Dr. Fletcher

(writing notes) In this session, we moved beyond Howie's problems at work and discussed his thoughts about the origins of his condition.

Howie

Well, Doctor, I've been listening to myself talk to you for some time and this has awakened a number of new questions and possibilities in my own mind. But I really want to hear from you. What do you think is going on in me? How is it possible that I keep - or that Nathan keeps undermining what I'm doing, what I'm saying, who I am in my public responsibilities? What's going on with me, Doctor?

Dr. Fletcher

Well, there are no conclusions but the starting point in the case of many people who suffer from Multiple Personality Disorder is some childhood experience, some factor, some element of what happened to you or what you experienced within yourself or within your family in your childhood that was impossible to integrate.

That's the common thread in people who suffer from this disorder - some experience that you simply found unable to process. In the case of many people it's abuse. In your case, I don't know what it is.

Howie

As you were speaking, and you used the verb 'integrate', the only image that popped into my mind was this one Black boy in my high school class. I think each class in my high school had one Black boy. It was a boys' school I went to, a prep school. I became sort of friendly with him although he was really very alone and didn't have friends. He was a pretty good athlete, fortunately for him.

I've thought about him a lot and one particular time at a party when some people got a little bit ugly and I had an opportunity to intervene. And I didn't. I just walked away. I still feel the shame of that. And I've thought a lot about that boy.

So I feel that, Doctor, on occasion and I remember that. And I don't think that memory is integrated into who I am any more than that boy was integrated into that class.

Yeah. But I don't really think that has anything to do with what Nathan is doing to me. Because I think I'm operating at a very high level in this country for its well-being. I think I'm pushing for the well-being of individual freedom.

Dr. Fletcher

You yourself have identified in your career the power of symbols, the power of an individual experience as coloring the direction of policy that you advocate. And I think you of all people understand the power of one person, one experience, one image.

Howie

Maybe you should be helping Nathan feel better about being an American.

Dr. Fletcher

I think what you have to accept is that you are the person who is interfacing with Nathan and all I see is you, Howie. I think it's important for you to try to recollect what you can about your experience, your beliefs that apparently were impossible for you to assimilate into your adult life.

Howie

Well, I'll tell you one thing, Doctor, that has me shaking right now as I think about it. The name of that boy in that school in my class was Nathaniel. And I don't know what happened to him. And I do wonder.

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